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“I can't be the only one who does it, right?” Definitely not.

By Hannah Orenstein Updated: Jan 13, 2023 Design by Yoora Kim // Getty Images

We’re here to talk all about masturbation — there, we said it. The topic might feel taboo and you might be embarrassed to talk about it with your friends, but exploring your sexuality is totally normal. Masturbating is a healthy way to learn about yourself and your body, and helps you feel more comfortable when you’re ready to have a sexual partner. (And hey, it’s fun and feels good, too.)

If you think you’re the only one of your friends who has masturbated, you’re most likely not. According to a 2020 study in The Journal of Sexual Medicine, about 50 percent of women aged 18 to 24 years reported masturbating at some point in the year. Separate research from Planned Parenthood found that more than 5 out of 10 adult women masturbate. So whether you explore solo sex and self-pleasure with your hand or vibrator, it’s perfectly natural and super common.

Here, 18 girls open up about masturbating and all the complicated feelings (pleasure, empowerment, happiness, and embarrassment) that go along with it.

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1. “I was 13 or 14 when I masturbated for the first time. I was watching TV — I think it was Modern Family — and they brought up masturbation. I had no idea at that time what it even meant, but handy ol' Google quickly filled me in. I masturbated for the first time shortly after that. It was awkward at first. I tried the whole shower head thing to see what all the hype was about, but it didn’t work for me. I probably masturbate twice a week now. I come from a very religious family, so I thought it was something to be ashamed of. Now, it’s completely different. A girl’s got needs.” —Spencer, 17

2. “I was 15 years old when it first happened. Up until a few months prior, I was COMPLETELY embarrassed about masturbation. Each time I did it, I was ashamed that it happened and wished that it didn’t. I knew this feeling would occur afterwards, but I always did it anyways. However, now that I’m entering college and defining who I am, I am realizing that it isn’t something I should be ashamed of. I can’t be the only one who does it, right? The feminist in me has given me the ability to feel empowered and in control of myself and what I want each time it happens.” —Malia, 18

3. “I use my hand, read sexy stories, and fantasize about past experiences. I masturbate quite frequently actually — at least four times a week. I’m an open book when it comes to literally anything else, but when it comes to masturbation, I’d never admit to doing it. Honestly, typing, or even saying the words ‘I masturbate,’ feels so foreign and taboo. I’m not ashamed of doing it, I’m just super secretive about it." —Noelle, 17

4. “I started experimenting with masturbation last year. I was a little nervous about it, but when I attempted it, I felt a little pleasure and wasn’t so turned off by the idea anymore. I usually do it before I go to bed so I fall asleep better. At first, I used a pillow to masturbate and just recently switched to doing it myself. There’s so many good things that come from having an orgasm so why wouldn’t you? You’ve got to learn what you like and figure yourself out before someone else can.” —Annaka, 17

5. “I started when I was 17. I had my first orgasm, and after that, it became something I had to do every night. I just tend to use clitoral stimulation because it’s foolproof for me and it’s what I am most comfortable with at the moment.” —Jackie, 19

6. “I was 19 years old and had just gotten out of a pretty bad relationship. One day when I was sad, my best friend/roommate said I need to lock myself in my room, explore my body and love myself. Ever since, I’ve been very open to masturbating and truthfully regret not pleasuring myself sooner. Since then, I would say I regularly masturbate maybe three times a week, whenever I have free time in my bed really. I use my hand and read stories from time to time. It’s empowered me to take control of my body and dictate when and how I experience pleasure. In a society that prioritizes men’s sexual pleasure over women’s, I take pride in knowing that I love myself and deserve all the pleasure I want and enjoy.” —Avery, 22

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7. “The first time I can remember masturbating was in my early teens, maybe 13 or 14. I think it was to a fan fiction. It was pretty clumsy, and I recall being more embarrassed and worried that someone would walk in on me than focused on pleasure. Now, it makes me feel happy and satisfied. It’s nice to be able to take pleasure into your own hands. literally.” —Megan, 19

8. “I usually masturbate once a day. I have to have visuals. It’s hard for me to just imagine stuff. I’m not embarrassed that I masturbate; if we’re close enough and you ask me, I won’t deny it at all. Or sometimes when I’m texting my friends in the group chat I’ll be like, “brb gonna go mb.” It’s completely normal. I used to be really ashamed about it, though.” —Fran, 22

9. “I masturbate roughly one to three times a week. When I first started masturbating, I’d use either my fingers or my shower head. Now that I’m 18, I bought myself a vibrator.” —Jill, 18

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10. “I usually start off reading sexy stories, hump my pillow, and then start to use my hand. I’ve never talked to anyone about masturbating because I feel like I’d get judged for doing it. But the older I get and the more I hear about women masturbating, the better I feel about it. I don’t think of masturbating as a bad thing anymore.” —Ada, 18

11. “I was probably like 15 my first time. It was a really awkward and clumsy experience, and I felt guilty for doing it. I just use my hand, and usually if I’m in the mood to do it, I really don’t need to think about anything else to help. It makes me feel proud that I’m secure enough with myself and my body to do it. I’m not ashamed at all because there’s nothing wrong with doing it. It’s a great way to relieve stress.” —Michaela, 17

12. “I was 18 when I first tried. It was a super uncomfortable feeling. I think because I felt like it was a ‘dirty’ thing to do — even though the reason I was trying it in the first place was to familiarize myself with my body while I’m alone, so I’d be comfortable and know my body when I was with my boyfriend as our relationship got more serious. I just Googled how to do it. I moved past feeling dirty or embarrassed about masturbating, because I realized how comfy I am with my body now. I’m proud that I’m so in tune with myself.” —Jordyn, 19

13. “I was 17 the first time I did it. At first, I didn’t know what to do, and then I kind of just learned to move my hips around to get different feelings. I like to fantasize about guys when I’m doing it and I let the faucet do all the work. I want to try it with a vibrator, but I just don’t have the guts to go buy one and risk getting caught with it in my room.” —Kelly, 19

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14. “I've tried talking to my friends about masturbation. I think they felt uncomfortable and a little astonished that I was so open with my sexuality. I think masturbation is a completely normal and healthy expression of loving your body and who you are. Over the years, I’ve shifted from feeling guilty to feeling proud of my body.” —Lacey, 17

15. “I usually use my hand, but sometimes I use a mini vibrator to amp things up. Typically I watch steamy videos, but sometimes I will read written stories as well. The very first time I masturbated, I was thrilled by it. I instinctively knew it was something I needed to keep to myself, but I apparently didn’t do a very good job because about a week or so later, my mom came to talk to me about it (LOL). There was no shame involved, she just wanted me to make sure I only did it when I knew I had private time, as my little sister was in the house as well.” —Tori, 23

16. “I stumbled across masturbating when I was 14. I used my fingers because that’s how I thought you were ‘supposed’ to do it. I googled tips. I would’ve rather died than admit that I did it in high school, but once I got to college, my friends started talking about it more openly. That helped me feel comfortable talking about it, too.” —Lauren, 22

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17. “I kind of stumbled upon it, so it was pretty clumsily done. I remember being blown away with how good it felt. Since then, I just capitalized on what I felt and that’s how I began masturbating. I masturbate anytime I really feel the need to. Growing up in a Christian community keeps me from talking so openly about it to my family, but my friends and I speak about it openly in our small circle.” —Carla, 18

18. “The first time I masturbated, it was an overwhelming experience; I didn't know what I was supposed to feel, and once I felt the rush, I didn’t expect to feel it so strongly. I mostly just use my hand, but I’ve used my shower head a couple times before too. I actually read a lot of young adult books that have sex scenes in them and that would get me really aroused too.” —Zaire, 21

Hannah Orenstein is the author of several novels, including Meant to Be Mine (out June 7, 2022), Head Over Heels, Love at First Like, and Playing with Matches. She's also the Deputy Editor of Dating at Elite Daily. She lives in Brooklyn.

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18 Girls Get Real About Masturbating